Footprints

One night I dreamed a dream.

I was walking along the beach with my Lord.

Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.

For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,

one belonging to me and one to my Lord.

When the last scene of my life shot before me

I looked back at the footprints in the sand and to my suprise,

I noticed that many times along the path of my life

There was only one set of footprints.

I realized that this was at the lowest and saddest times of my life.

This always bothered me and I questioned the Lord about my dilemma.

"Lord, you told me when i decided to follow You,

You would walk and talk with me all the way.

But I'm aware that during the most troublesome times of my life

there is only one set of footprints.

I just don't understand why, when I needed You most,

You leave me."

He whispered, "My precious child,

I love you and will never leave you

never, ever, during your trials and testings.

When you saw only one set of footprints

it was then that I carried you."

©1964 Margaret Fishback Powers

當我牢牢抓緊你的時候 你為甚麼把手放開

當我牢牢抓緊你的時候

你為甚麼把手放開

而讓我陷入另一個胡思亂想的困境

我很討厭這樣的感覺

你知道嗎？

當我每次想要放棄的時候

是你緊緊的把我抓緊

但是為甚麼都不能給我安全感呢？

為甚麼總是讓我覺得你並不是真心的？

為甚麼總是讓我覺得你總是還有別人呢？

我真的很討厭這樣的感覺

每次我都因為這樣的感覺

而一次再一次的讓我有想逃的感覺

也一次再一次的讓我們的感情破裂

我真的迷茫了....

bye my love

Inferiority complex

忽然发现

自己真的很自卑

S.A.D

you said

why you r keep quiet, have nothing from you since 2 days ago.

you not really talk to me,

you keep silent

you never write me to say goodnight

you never write me to say hi, how are you.

you never ... is it very difficult for you to write me ?

its just need a minute, to do that,

why can't you do it ?

he asked me this all questions

it's seem like its my fault

he is asking me with his anger, upset, and he is angry too.

my brain is empty, my mind is messy.

but i'm not stupid

Did he know all this question is the same what in my mind for him too ?
why can't he do the same to me too ?

he even not really do that to me then why he has to angry with me
about i not doing that?

i'm confused...

confused and confused...

i'm okay but i'm just sad ....

if the relationship have to keep going like this
only me care about him 

i will choose to give up

i will

why its always my fault ?

am i that bad ??

i really don't know ....

i just sad

because i'm just like a toy for him .... 

a toy that just keep accompany him....

it's sad to know about it ....

but its okay .... because i'm used to it ...

i used to pretend ....its me !!!

Thanks ....

逃

不明白，不明白

為甚麼我每次都會遇到這樣的問題？

我真的不明白

覺得自己根本就甚麼都不是

覺得有點累了

真的

我只是需要一段簡單的愛

不喜歡做比較

但是

我卻一直被做比較

感覺真的很不好受

也不知不覺中陷入了胡思亂想的狀態

覺得這樣的愛情

真的很累

我以為我甚麼都了解

我甚麼都能體諒

我甚麼都能當作不是一回事

但是我卻錯了

這樣的愛情

真的一點也不快樂

我很怕

真的

我很想逃

我很想就這樣的

一聲不響的離開

但是我卻做不到

好痛苦

我到底能怎樣？

我知道，

自己會這樣痛苦是因為

我把這段感情看得比任何東西都重要

我真的很討厭這樣的自己

為甚麼每次都是會有這樣的結果呢？

我反覆的想了好多遍

我還是甚麼都想不通

為甚麼對他來說我比任何東西都不重要呢？

為甚麼呢？

他可以記得其他人的每件事情，每個狀況

他可以記得回覆其他人的每個信件，每個訊息，每個電話

但是對於我卻甚麼都沒有呢？

我真的是那麼的不值得他為我這樣做嗎？

我真的有那麼糟糕嗎？

到底我算是甚麼？？

我真的覺得我甚麼都不是，

我真的很想逃走

真的，

真的想逃

that's it....

Jesus the same yesterday, today and forever but human are different, they keep changing and changing. ITS all about profit, authority, selfishness & ect. Then what about the principle, justice, modest and behavior?